Eat Pray Love

Yesterday was an AMAZING day!!! I woke up feeling very alive and happy for the first time in a while. I got up, showered, got ready, and left for more job hunting. The first place I went was Paragary's downtown. They closed the restaurant and a new owner took over. They're restaffing the place, so I figured I would put in an application. I filled out my app and waited to speak to the Sous Chef. Ok, first off, SUPER CUTE!!! He looks over my application and resume, and seems kind of wary of me. I told him that about school starting at the end of September, and while I have no official restaurant experience, it's a huge passion of mine, and I just need one person to give me a chance, so I can show them what I've got.

He told me that he thought his kitchen roster might be full. He then looked around for a second and said that he would see who else he got in that day, and that he might be able to find a spot for me on his prep line.

What???

He told me to expect a call from him later this week to go over Operating Procedures.

Seriously???

This might be it. I don't even know what to say. I never even asked what the new restaurant was going to be, or the kind of cuisine it was going to offer. I was in a state of awe walking out of there. I called my bestie and then my mom. I have such an amazing feeling about this.

I finished putting in the apps that I had to do that day, just in case, and took myself to the movies. Inception is one of the most amazing movies I've ever seen. Totally blew my mind.

I'm going to stop here and rewind a bit. I need to acknowledge the reason for this emotional and spiritual shift I have discovered in myself the last few days.

About a month ago (or whenever) I started seeing previews for a particular movie that has one of my favorite actresses in it. The preview alone is powerful and moving. When I learned that the story is a true story based on a book by the person that experienced the story, I had to read it. I downloaded the audiobook, read by the author herself, and for the last 2 days have been glued to my iPod. I have never been so moved and touched by a book. This book is doing things to me no other book has ever done. It is so powerful to me. It's almost as if she's writing from within me. The things she says, feels, and thinks almost mirror my own. I feel that this woman is almost my literary soulmate, that she wrote this book specifically for me to read right here, right now. Eat Pray Love is exactly what I've been needing in my life. It's what has finally given me the kick. The spark. The fire.

Thank you Liz Gilbert.

After I finish listening to it, I will be buying the paperback copy so I can better write what exactly this book is doing to me. It's unexplainable (sorry Liz, I know you hate that description).

I have been so motivated, positive, and exhilirated the last few days. It's like I can do anything. I CAN do anything. She has shown me a part of myself I never thought to meet. I like this new person very much, and can't wait to get to know her even better.

Now, back to Bali.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

Things have been very stressful the last couple of weeks. I felt as though I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and I don't know what I would have found at the end of it. I had a great talk with my dad and step-mom last night that helped a LOT. I told her everything that I've been thinking and feeling. It really helped to get everything out in the open. I learned some things that greatly explain why she's been the way she has. It really opened my eyes. I know she cares, it just hard to see that when it seems as though her and grandma team up and find things to get pissed at me about. I have a different outlook now. Grandma is a different story. She is hypersensitive to me right now, and is basically looking for mess ups to complain to mom about. What I need to focus on right now is doing right by my step-mom. She went to bat for me, and, even though I didn't know about any of that until last night, she deserves better than she's been getting from me. Whatever happens with grandma, happens. I can't control anyone, but me. I can't control anyone's thoughts, but my own. I can't control anyone's feelings, but mine. That's where I'm going to start. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Mom and I are on the same page now, and we've worked a lot of things out. Now is the time to prove to her that I am better than I have been; that I do have what it takes to make it. It's time to prove to EVERYONE that I am NOT a waste of skin. If grandma allows herself to be enlightened in the process, great, but I can't focus on making her happy. I need to focus on making me happy. Only I can make my own dreams come true.

Work

I have been tirelessly looking for a job in the restaurant industry. Being that I'll be going to a Culinary school, I figure that it would be in my best interest to gain some practical field experience. The only problem here is that I have NO previous restaurant experience which makes employers wary to hire me. I made a special cover letter for restaurant applications that basically says 'WAIT! Don't throw my application out. Just give me a chance.' I hope it works. I can't survive on minimum wage with only 8 hours a week anymore. Cross your fingers for me.

Weight-In

Even though I actually weigh myself everyday, I will only update everyone once a week. I lost 7.2lbs this last week. I had hoped for more, but it happens. Hopefully this next week will be just as good, if not better.

About the Diet

I've had some people ask about my diet and whether it's safe or not. Here is the link to the free PDF manuscript written by the Dr. that founded the program. If there are any other questions, feel free to ask.

http://hcgdietinfo.com/HCG_Diet_Simeons_Manuscript.htm

Diet

My diet is going good so far. I've lost 5lbs in 2 days. The last couple days were hard for me, but it already seems to be getting easier. I started out at 237.8lbs after my load days. I'll post updates weekly as to help enforce it to myself that 'Big Brother' is watching and I can't fail this time. I hope my mom is ready for Vegas!!! We'll be there very shortly, I think. I've done the calculations, and if I can maintain a 2lb per day/14lb per week weight loss, I will be able to lose 100lbs in about 2 months. On this diet, that's not impossible. Keep your fingers crossed for me. The mental battle is the worst. I have to keep telling myself that it's worth it, and that I control it, it doesn't control me.

Hectic Life

I know I haven't blogged in a while, things have been very crazy. I will say that things at home have gotten even more interesting in the last week or so, but they just might be working themselves out at the same time. My brother's base in Iraq was attacked the other night, and I've been having a pretty hard time with that. Work is getting more and more unreliable as a sanctuary away from home.

On a more positive note, I am back on my diet and plan to be under 200lbs by the time I go see my mom for her FIFTYth birthday. I have about 5 weeks and 40lbs to go to make that goal. Today is my last load day and tomorrow I crack down on myself. My dad has already told me that he'll be riding my ass about the diet this time. Good. I need that. I've just ordered a relaxation yoga DVD along with one for flexibility and one for relaxation and breathing for meditation. It's time to really start caring about and respecting myself more. I deserve to give myself that much.

School still seems so far away. I have until September 3rd (or so, depending on how many uniforms they have on campus) to lose as much weight as possible so I can re-order new sizes. I have struggled with my weight ever since I hit puberty. I was a very skinny kid, so much so that I was nicknamed "Chicken Legs' in grade school. After puberty, however, that all changed. The only time I ever got control of my weight was when I was in the Army, but I ended up gaining it all back when I got out. It's a huge point of self-consciousness for me. I haven't owned a bathing suit in I don't know how long. I don't wear shorts unless I'm sleeping in them. I've told myself many times over the years that I will get it under control and get back the body that I want. Sadly, I've failed time after time. Not this time.